I wish you didn't matter to me
I wish I’d feel nothing for you
I wish you were just “some girl”
Nothing ‘d be easier than to see you move on.
But baby, I lost my heart to you
I see everything I love in this human being
I see it all in you and my heart is broken
Because I don’t know how to get you back.
I wish you never flirted with me
I wish our sex never drove us crazy
I wish your hobbies were what I despise
Nothing would be simpler than to say “goodbye”
But baby, I lost my soul in you
I see your reflection everywhere
I feel you everywhere all the time
Because I don’t know how to rekindle our first magic.
I wish you sucked at making me content
I wish you laughed and ridiculed my being
I wish you played just with my heart
Because I don’t know where you went, so lost.
But baby, I lost my mind to you
I see your hobbies and my interests a union
I hear your voice and see your eyes like yesterday
Calling my name at night, gently searching for me.
I wish you never held me tight
I wish you never kissed my chin
I wish you never sucked my lips
I wish you never teased my skin
Because then it would not matter that you're silent all day long.
But baby, I lost my body all of it to you,
It aches at night when arms fall short to hug you
The stomach falls, the chest is tight, no air,
No light can fill my sight, no sound can satisfy,
No taste will taste, no smell suffice.
Of course I wish you’d be ALL that you were to me!
Of course it rocked my world how close we were!
Of course I would not want a single hour missing!
Of course my body, mind and sex now lost the other half.
You were so perfect for me that I thought I was for you.
You felt so right, and I felt: you felt it too.
You were so deep at peace with me,
That I believed you wanted nothing else but stay.
I thought you felt all that just like I did.
I thought you had the same unspeakable connection
When I looked into your eyes…
Just so you know…
I’m still the same boy over here,
That once you fell in love with,
That held you constantly and laughed with you
I’m still the man that you found sweet and kind
That you fell into and with who you thought of running far away.
To mountains, cabins, springs, and woods.. The same,
But wiser, mourning deeply your quick loss, regretting,
In deepest inner contemplation how to be,
What first you fell in love with - that is me.
Can you imagine someone so completely full in love with you...
That YOUR well being is what fulfills his life the most?
What if such feelings were together mutual?
How blissful would such life as partners be?
I wish I could instead just transport back us
I wish I could instead take back you to a memory of loving
I wish I never had to share your special being with anyone
I wish I could just make you mine forever -
We’d always be “at home” together.
Could I just make you feel the joy of being with me again
And pray to you that I would be as good to you as I intended
And make your dreams come true and world much richer -
I wonder if you’d give it another shot, just one more time.
Just one more embrace
Just one more kiss that lasts
Just one more gliding along your chin
Just one more moan whispered in my ear.
Just one more quarter of a year turned into quarter century.
I can’t throw you away, I can’t.
by Lennart